For the past 13 years, I've immersed myself into each NFL season much like a deep-sea diver disappears over an ocean floor ledge descending even deeper into the abyss in search for new discoveries.
I maintained a high degree of tunnel vision as I earnestly studied teams, trends, players, statistics, and historical precedents. Then, I would arrive at a topic or issue to spearhead a season preview article revealing my own perspective and forecast on each team, division, and Super Bowl pick.
Weekly picks for each slate of games also became a staple in my lifestyle. I was either watching games or writing for the upcoming weekend. I was consumed.
Sundays were my sanctuary. Church took a back seat. My wife would instruct my kids to leave me alone. Other times, I would drift off to watch games with my brother or other friends. Those seven months, I enslaved myself to my passion.
It was my time, but therein lied the problem.
Priorities and dreams formed a dysfunctional marriage. Life became blurry. Those precious kids and my sweet wife unconsciously became sources of suffocation as I burned midnight oil and infringed on family time. My wife began to wonder who she married, and if it was a mistake.
I simply was not being the man I needed to be at this time in my life. I was living in a time warp.
All of this became crystal clear to me on November 22, 2009...ironically a Sunday. As the result of some deliberate soul-searching, extensive counseling, and feeling like a Louisville Slugger had just been introduced to my thick skull -- all in the previous three days -- I realized that I didn't know who I was. I literally felt like I needed to start over and rebuild myself.
I didn't watch one game of football that day. I also stopped writing picks the rest of the season and soon felt like I could see Salt Lake City from Pikes Peak. What I needed to do and where I needed to be became crystal clear.
And, it all started with my family. My girls had aged and were turning into young women, and I began to get to know them in a way that I hadn't before. They are now three of my closest friends while my best friend discovered that she hadn't made a mistake after all, and decided to keep me. Our marriage has since been transformed.
My priorities eventually returned to their natural state and what's important stays that way. I no longer feel a centrifugal force pulling me into a world that is so devouring. I have rid myself of self-imposed deadlines and meeting others expectations. If picnics, bike rides, festivals, church, and/or my job keep me occupied on an NFL Sunday, I don't feel a sense of panic and now know that if I miss a game or three, the earth continues to rotate on its axis.
Needless to say, my new disposition has been challenging, self-rewarding, and where I should have been all along. My role and position in my family and job are now the driving force which keeps me anchored and focused.
As a result of this awakening, I am still not comfortable writing a season preview or weekly picks for the 2010 season. This doesn't mean that I am no longer a fan of the NFL. This doesn't mean that I won't ever write season previews, weekly picks, or other sports-related articles ever again. This doesn't mean that I won't ever watch NFL games again. I just want to be a fan and watch games as my life allows.
I have also burned my diving suit.
